Chapter 7- High School The Final Years

Before I was even 16, I worked at local places under the table because I wanted money. I had started hoarding money, almost like I had hoarded food. By senior year though, my parents encouraged me to work (especially if I wanted to keep that car on the road) I worked at local places in Small Town under the table and when I was finally old enough, a friend talked me into working at McDonald’s which sounded great at the time. I never realized that it would be the beginning of the end for me as far as feeling good about myself was concerned. Fortunately, there were some changes in my life that year that at the very least slowed down the whole process of losing myself again.

One of those changes was having Jake come back into my life. Remember him? He was the guy who was a good friend of my first boyfriend. Ok so if you’re confused, go back. Anyhow, Jake had gone off to the military after high school and I had more or less lost contact with him except for the time or two we did get in touch. In any case, near the beginning of senior year, he became a permanent fixture in my life. Again, he was the first person I remember in my life who did not judge me for what I looked like or more importantly what I weighed. He just accepted me for me. I didn’t learn truly realize that until sometime after our relationship ended though.

About 3 weeks after Jake came into my life, I received a phone call from Sean. What’s that saying? “When it rains, it pours.” I went forever (or what seemed like forever) without really dating anyone exclusively (not due to my own choice!) and when I finally get into a relationship…there’s someone else there who’s interested. I’m telling you…I just didn’t have any luck! So, Sean, very politely (and obviously very nervously) asked me if I was interested in going out. I was truly flattered, even if I still didn’t have a good opinion of him. Of course I said “no” and explained that I had just entered a relationship. He must have been a little irritated because he didn’t even wait for me to finish explaining…he was ready to get off the phone pretty quickly. So now, the fat girl had not one, but two people interested in her. What are the odds?

Things continued with Jake throughout my senior year, even though he was in the military and not around. Work at McDonald’s continued and of course, my lack of activity continued as well. I think what made it worse was that I was now eating McDonald’s food all of the time. I didn’t even realize that I was gaining weight now. I still felt good. I had a job, a car, a boyfriend, friends, parties, class president (as I was voted in for another year!) and my parents pretty much gave me the room to do as I pleased. Life was good. I didn’t care about my weight because so many other things were going on. Of course all good things come to an end.

With all of those things in my life, I stopped saving money and started spending it. I spent it so much that I had to start asking for money for gas to get to work. My parents, like many, said yes reluctantly at first but then started getting pretty pissed about it. My mom would send me to the reservation to pick her up cigarettes and with her change, I was buying my own. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it, I picked up a terrible habit my senior year. I was smoking. I think I started because it was something to do and plenty of friends were doing it too. All it really did was make my lunch break at work much shorter. It was difficult to get in my free meal and a cigarette in 30 minutes or less. What money I wasn’t spending on cigarettes, I was spending on beer for parties on the weekend. I had made some good friends at McDonald’s so I was hanging out with them and spending money. The point is, before long, my parents had enough and put a stop to it. Hang on to your hats. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

I decided to pierce my belly button. Yes. Seriously. I know you’re thinking that if I was a fat girl, who in the world would I show off this addition to my body to? Who would even be interested in seeing it? Well, don’t worry, no one was. I just did it because I thought it would be cool. The worst of it was that I did it myself and I did a piss poor job. I couldn’t even wear my pants for work (which were getting tighter by the week anyhow) because the waistline rubbed on it and made it hurt. So how did this make a difference in my life? Well, the whole idea that everyone in Small Town knows it when you don’t change your underwear applied itself to this. Someone downtown told my mom and dad that I had pierced my belly button. My mom wasn’t all that happy and what started out as a simple mother-daughter fight, turned into a huge blow out. I don’t even remember all of the details- just that by the end I learned a valuable lesson- don’t piss my dad off.

My mom told me to get out of her house if I wasn’t going to follow her rules, so, being the incredibly intelligent, self-sufficient, smarter than thou teenager that I was, I left! Why not? I didn’t need them. Ha! Well, luckily I had a friend (Gina) who’s parents were willing to help me out and let me stay there for a few days while things cooled down in my house. I took my car, a few items of clothing and off I went. I was only at Gina’s house for two days when a family friend, who I had done a lot of babysitting for offered to let me stay at her house. I figured it was best since my mom had already sent a flatbed down to get the car. (While it was sitting there, we decided that we were smarter than the average teens and tried to ciphon the gas out of it-yeah, it didn’t go so well and we really messed the car up).

For 10 days I stayed with Annie. I was pretty grateful at the time, and I’ve obviously never forgotten it. I’m not sure what did it, but eventually my parents calmed down and they let me come back home. I figured I had it made though. I was going to walk in, put my stuff down and I would just avoid them for a bit until things got back to normal. Ooops. Apparently my parents weren’t on the same page as I was. Here’s how it went:
Dad: If you are going to live here. You are going to pay rent.
Know it all Maxine: No, I’m not
Dad: (SLAP across Know it all’s face). Yes, you are.
Know it all Maxine: (straight faced, no tears) No, I’m not (a little louder)
Dad: (SLAP across Know it all’s face again). Yes you are.
Know it all Maxine: (only a little shaken-but not enough to keep mouth shut) NO….I’M NOT.
Dad: (SLAP across Know it all’s face a third-and final- time). YES…YOU ARE.
Defeated Know it all Maxine: (crying finally and walks away)
Dad: (To Know it all, as she is walking away to hide in her bedroom and find something yummy to eat) You will pay $25 a week to me after you get your paycheck. We will adjust your payment if you don’t make enough however plan on giving me $25 at minimum.

Ok, before you get all “time to call CPS” on me or him for that matter, consider this. That was the biggest lesson I EVER learned in my life. I was wasting money left and right on next to nothing and didn’t have a dime to show for all of the work I was doing. My dad took that $25 a week that I paid him and put it away for me (little did I know) so I would have money to take on my senior trip. Yeah. I learned a lesson the hard way. Go figure.

It was that year that I went to prom with friends and a balloon I named Chuck (no need to protect Chuck so I used his real name!). Yes, I said balloon. Jake was still in the military and couldn’t come home for prom so I had to create a date which I did with a stray balloon. He had a cute little drawn on face and was pink. Real men wear pink don’t they? Anyhow, humor, I had found, took the focus off me.

What many people didn’t know is that I made my senior year prom dress. I had help and to be honest, I couldn’t sew a lick today but it was part of a project in Home Economics and I did it. At least I didn’t have to go store to store looking for a dress that was appropriate and fit right like I had the year before. It was uncomfortable having to tell my teacher my size so she could help me figure out what pattern to get and how much material to buy. Like I said before, I was probably about 150-160 lbs at this point. Ideally, I should have been closer to 120, maybe 130 but I wasn’t and those numbers had long passed. I can’t begin to explain how much I felt like an idiot when girls asked about my dress and I told them I made it. Of course, I never explained the true reason WHY I was making one instead of buying one, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they knew that anyhow. I wish I still had that dress now, I would love to try it on just to see…

After the prom, we went to a party where, yes, we drank a bit too much alcohol. It was wrong, I know. I’m not promoting it so don’t get all righteous on me. Drinking with everyone made me funnier, or so I thought, and the funnier I got, the more people paid attention. I found that I liked making people laugh (and it was so much easier when I was wasted). I did stupid things- they laughed. I said stupid things- they laughed. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. Again, humor took the focus off what I looked like. People were laughing WITH me and not AT me. That was a nice change. It didn’t change the feelings inside though. I was starting to go downhill and head back to the insecure me that I had been.